How does that go again?

And then there was 1. Oh wait, maybe there was always 1 and I never realized it before. Last night was good. Slow at the bar but I had a decent time. People came in and saw me and had a few drinks. Ed and I got to break up a fight by some really drunk trash guys. They all thought that I worked at WQLZ the hard rock station here in town. I'm like, nope. You must be mistaken.

I think that I am getting into a funk again. I'm not so deep that I don't realize it. I am usually self aware about how I feel. Last night I probably would not have gone out if I didn't have to work the door. Which is fine but I just didn't feel like leaving the house.

My dad and I went shopping yesterday. I get a lot of comments about my weight when I am with him. Especially since we were shopping for a suit. That is what put me into the mood. I'm not a big fan of "if you weren't so big". I know I am big, we don't have to keep talking about it. Can't it be an unspoken thing. Like if a suit is too small for me then all he would have to say is "nope, not this one" or something like that. He gets the point across that the suit isn't going to work out instead of making a point that it is because I am so big. Dad needs some sensitivity classes. Not that I'm a sensitive little bitch but still I have feelings. Plus him jumping my case about my weight has been most of my life and it gets old. I point is taken. The memo has been received. Now even as I type this my dad in the middle of doing something makes a point of asking me if I checked my oil. Now he just took my keys to go check it for me. FUCK! That aggrevates me. He has to do everything for me. He treats me like a 16 year old. Granted I don't mind helpful advice. Sure, he has been there and knows how things go. I understand that. BUT when he tells me the same things over and over and then does things over and over for me. It drives me nuts. Can I live my own life please? My oil is fine, I'm sure of it. BUT since I haven't checked it recently enough, he has to take it upon himself to freaking check it for me. Well he just came back in, says it is looking good. I said I know. and he was like oh? I thought you said you didn't check it. I say well when I take care of a car then I don't need to check it as often. Plus my dad likes to really jump my case right after I wake up. I am not always in the best mood when I wake up. the chemical balances in the brain haven't synchronized yet or something. But he can really piss me off any time of the day. Just question how I do things. Question me. I know how to live life. I am trying the best I can. I appologize if I can't live up to the perfect son who does every single task you ask of him. It doesn't help that dad has become very anal about things in recent years. He has to do things right away. Little things too. They will pester him or something. He always feels like no one else will do it unless he does it and he does it right so may as well do it immediately. Even if other people have to wait around for him to "just do this one thing real quick". AHHH! I need to move out. He tries though. I give him that much credit. Sometimes after he pisses me off he tries to smooth things over. Like just now. He tries to talk movies with me. My soft spot. He apparently wants to go see Collatteral as well as I do. We see a movie every once in a while but he is a tough movie goer. Very critical and only a very few appeal to him. He isn't very creative. He lost his inner child eons ago. He scoffs that I even watch any kind of cartoon. He has become a victim of society. He has his place under the wings of "the man". Ha, just kidding. I'm not really a "damn the man" type person. But I do believe in a "man" so to speak which I feel is society on a whole.

Well, I have rambled enough about my dad who pisses me off about daily. Who wakes me up when I am sleeping. I'm glad he doesn't know about this site and no one should tell him either.

Peace, Love, Laughter, - K