Savings gone

Damn I hate bills. Bills suck my balls and not in that kinky erotic way but in a damnit you're pissing me off so stop way. I had a decent amount of money saved. Then I go to the dentist today. Pay that. My tuition for my spring class is due this coming wednesday so I decided to pay that. I have a cell phone bill coming due so I paid that. Then I was like well let me pay my next loan payment a little early while I'm at it.... NO! There isn't enough freaking money left! Bastards. So now I have to wait to get paid for that one. Yeah, that is only 3 days away now but still. I figured I would get all of it out of the way. For some reason I thought that I would have money left over still and would be well off but no. I'm not bouncing any more checks though. I am keeping a close eye on balancing my check book. Everything is working out so far so I know how much I am actually spending.

Plans for the week

I plan on paying for my spring semester class at llcc which is due on the 1st of december. I plan on making it to work on time everyday this week. I plan on seeing a few movies this week at the cheap theater to catch up on ones that I haven't seen. I plan on trying not to nap during the days because I need to stop doing that. I plan on not eating after dinner each day this week. I plan on eating breakfast every day this week. I plan on being in a positive happy mood all week. I plan on being helpful around the house this week. I plan on pick back up the book LOTR this week and actually finish it soon but not necessarily this week.

How

How can you live for someone else if you don't live for yourself first. What if living for someone else meant that you actually had to live for yourself first. For the reason that you mean so much to them that you have to do something for yourself or else you see them get hurt emotionally. Have you ever thought that your own wellbeing might be more important to those that you love than anything else that you can do for them? Or if you are not true to yourself first how can you be true to anyone else?

The Reason by Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Saving

Oh yeah, the Christmas season is upon us now and in full force. I have actually been thinking about the season in advance this year. I usually don't admit that it is the season until a few days before the actual day. This year the difference is that I have money and I am not working at a retail shipping store that monopolizes all of my time. In past years I would go into working my ass off mode right about now. Working 8 am until 7 pm M - F and being so busy that I have to pack sack lunches that I would have to eat in 5 minutes because the lines are out the door of pissed off people who hate it that everyone else wants to ship Christmas presents at the same time as them. I loved the patient and calm people who would were like "We understand" "You do what you have to do". I LOVE THOSE PEOPLE! We need more people like that during the holiday season instead of the bitchers and whiners. OH! And the people who glare. I hate the customers who glare at you as if them staring you down would make you pack their packages faster or input their information into the computer faster. NO! It would only make me more nervous because I'm being watched by a HAWK! Anywho. Those days are behind me for now. No telling what the future holds but I do know that this Christmas season I will not be on the employee side of the shipping industry.

I've been saving my money. I don't have a lot. Don't think that. I've got enough to do some holiday shopping. It is nice to have a steady decent sized paycheck. I've been trying not to spend too much money on myself. No eating out. I've got food here at the house. Rare is it that I have no way of waiting to get home to eat and have to eat immediately out. I plan on doing quite a few Christmas presents this year. In past years of late, I have just given lottery tickets because most of my money was going towards groceries and rent and utilities. This year it isn't like that and I have been able to save some. Close friends might even be getting something if they play their cards right. HA!

This past weekend has been fun. I got to meet for the second time my sister's Irish boyfriend. He is a really cool guy. I like him a lot and if I haven't told you he actually is straight up Irish. He has only been in the country a few years straight from Ireland. Looks like Colin Farrell who also is from Ireland. Thanksgiving dinner was awesome. Loads of good food with family. That's what I am talking about. We have so many leftovers and it is just awesome.

Saturday the fam and I went up to St. Charles to visit my sister and brother in law at the brother in law's family's house. They were unable to make it down here so we went to them. It was great to see them. Since they live out in LA seeing them is always a treat because it is so rare. It is hard to realize how much something or someone means to you until it isn't around. Luckily in this case we have realized and can still see them on occassion. I also got to see my friend Jessica. I haven't seen her since April when Ed, Shoo, and myself went to visit her at college. She's doing well and looking great. I finally got to see her short hair cut. It is nice. I'm still a fan of longer hair. But I'm not overly picky. We just got back a few hours ago from up there. Traffic wasn't too bad but it was a little crowded on the highway of people heading home after the holiday break. I know that I have to work tomorrow and so does the rest of the country I'm sure.

I got to see people that I haven't seen in quite a long time. I had a great time visiting with Phil O, Beth, Duf, Emily, JD, and Katie O and Katie C.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yeah, It is the day to feast as though you have never feasted before. Turkey, Stuffing, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, Pies, Cranberry sauce. I'm about to have myself a good meal. I love this day. My sister and her bf and her roommate finally made it into town. They are here. My G-ma is here and my great aunt and uncle are coming soon along with my dad's sister. Ireland is the main topic of discussion. I don't have much else to say besides i'm going to be a glutton today. Oh, and I work the door at the bar tonight too.

Holidays

The only thing about holidays that sucks is that you have to clean. Cleaning more than you normally would. Cleaning things that no one would ever notice that you even cleaned. They wouldn't even notice if it were dirty because it doesn't matter but because it is a holiday and you have to impress people that you never see that means that you have to get down and dirty and get rid of the dirt. What I have a problem with is that everyone is dirty to some extent. So what if there is dust over there. The entire planet we live on is one big compact ball of dust anyway with water here and there. So why would someone living on a ball of dust be upset if something has some dust on it. That is like being a fish and being upset that there is water on your fake castle over in the corner of the aquarium. Yeah, get it?! But yeah anywho, I have just been to the LAUNDRO-MAT with my mom because we took up the bathroom carpet and get it cleaned in the big washer. That took a nice hour and a half out of my evening. Now I get to superclean my room because I won't be sleeping in it on wednesday night or thursday night. I get the couch. Woo, Yay! Can you sense my excitement? I don't like people chilling in my room with my stuff. That is like them being in with my personal stuff, my life, without me being there to be a part of it. It's like, are they going to go through my stuff? It is a well known fact that guests go through people's medicine cabinents. I don't do that but I hear it is well documented. So would that mean that if someone was staying in my room that they would go through my drawers or get on my computer and mess with my files. My room is my haven and I feel alienated as if I am restricted to go in there when a guest is staying in there. Then what does that give me for privacy? The bathroom? I get to live out of the bathroom. Yay, if I want to be alone that is where I will be. Not in my bedroom with the door closed because that will not be my room, it is the guest's room. So I just have to sit and squirm and close my eyes. Imagine that I am in my room. Well, time for me to clean my room. I have a huge task ahead of me. It's a mess. The way I like it.

WEBSITE OF THE DAY!

THE CAMEL TOE REPORT

MONSTER!

So yesterday, I tried the new Monster Thick Burger at Hardees. This burger consists of two 1/3 pound patties of angus beef, three slices of cheese and four strips of bacon and a little mayo on a sesame bun. It was awesome. Now the only beef I had with this burger was the fact that it only had four slices of bacon. According to Ed the old Monster had six slices of bacon. Why would they think that they should reduce the amount of bacon? Beats me. Bacon is one of the best types of meat ever. It can be used as the main ingredient in a sandwich, it can be added to a sandwich as an extra topping, or the best is to wrap a slice of bacon around a high quality steak and call it fillet mingon. Meat wrapped in meat. Whoever came up with the fillet mingon is a genius. But yes, I am a huge fan of meat and burgers. Burgers are probably one of my favorite meals. What is funny is that I had the MONSTER for lunch yesterday and then I come home and for dinner my dad was making me a few big burgers too. I was in heaven. Rare are the days when I get good quality burgers for more than one meal that day. I would have to say though that I know of 2 places that have better BIG burgers one is Suzie Q's. They have an awesome double bacon cheese burger. The other place was Ned Kelly's. If I recall correctly they have a 1 pound bacon cheese burger. It has been a few years since I have had it but it was amazing. And now that I think about it Ruby Tuesday at the mall has an awesome big burger called The Colossal. So that makes 3 places you can go for an awesomely huge and good tasting burger that will actually fill you up.

I've been hitting up pizza places lately too. So far on my recent list is COZ's Pizza, Gabatoni's Pizza, and Bernie & Betty's Pizza, and we get a Papa Murphy's pizza every so often too but that is take and bake so I don't consider that eating pizza out. I've been attempting to get MEATY PIES which is another word for meat lovers or an all meat topping pizza. I don't mean just all pepperoni or anything I'm talking like Pepperoni, Sausage, Ham, Canadian Bacon, Beef, and whatever else types of meat that certain restaurants offer. You get all that on one pizza and you have pure heaven right there. Let other people get their veggies on their pizza's. Veggies are good on a pizza don't get me wrong but if I have to choose it will be the meaty pie.

Leave it up to me to ramble for so long about food...

Wishing your life away

I made the comment to my mother the other day that I wish that the first part of the week would go by fast because I can't wait for the Thanksgiving holiday to begin. She says that her mother used to say that you were wishing your life away when you say that. I thought about it and she was right. What kind of life would you be living if you only lived for certain days of the year? If those select days were the only ones that mattered then your life would be a big waste. Every day should be the ones that matter because you only have so many days on this earth. If you think that the day is going to be boring and you just want to get it over with stop and think. What could be so bad that you wish for a day of your life to be gone? Making it a day that you will never remember. Wouldn't you want to make everyday a special day that you will remember each one forever? Don't waste the days that you have. Life is uncertain. You don't know what is destined for yourself but you have a choice over your own actions and those actions help play a big part in your destiny. Freewill makes everyone special. Use it wisely. Make things happen and Live life , don't sit around waiting for life to happen to you.

I guess I'm vain

So, Even though I don't think that I am that vain I am thinking about doing a vain thing. I'm thinking about investing in some rogaine. My hair is thinning faster than I thought it would. It is just doing it on top. The sides are still thick as can be. So then I get the monk/friar tuck look going on with the no hair on top and a thickness of hair going all the way around. I'm not down with that. Not really ready for baldness. I would rather go bald immediately than a half assed effort. As to why I shaved my head for a while. I will look fine completely bald. I just hate the half balding thing that is going on. So I'm looking into buying rogaine and maybe a thickening shampoo and I see that rogaine makes one of those also called Progaine. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I see and hear that if I want to keep the hair that I have and grow some back now would be the time before it gets too bad. Not wait until it is almost gone. I did find some interesting information saying that hair loss is not limited to getting it only from your mother's side. That is a myth. If it is in your family, dad's side, mother's side, or siblings then the odds of you going bald is greatly increased. So what do all of you readers of my blog think? Would you say Go For It!? Or would you say don't waste your time Kyle? Would I really be vain if I attempt to do this?

Dempsey's 1 year aniversary

Yeah, it has been a year folks. Well, actually it is about another week or something but tonight works out best to have the party at the bar. Dempsey's the bar bought by my buddy Reier is having its 1 year aniversary party this evening down at Dempsey's. It is themed because it is more fun that way. The toga party for Reier's birthday was a blast. This theme is pajamma party. So I can actually wear sweatpants to the bar and not feel like a freak. I'm going to be so comfortable. It should be a blast too. I'm still on meds though right now and I think I am going to keep up with the whole not drinking while on medications bit. Something everyone should adhere to anyway. Everyone who isn't working should come down to Dempsey's and get wasted.

Last night was an alright night at the bar. I worked the door and not much was eventful. I only got one crazy guy who wanted to make a run for it out of our back door because apparently he thought that he was going to get beat up outside of our front door. I told him our back door takes you out to a dead end alley and then comes out to the same street that our front door is on. I then said that he can use our front door just like everyone else does. I had to start carding other people so I moved him along. I felt he would be okay inside and not cause problems but I was keeping my eye on him. Ed noticed that I had been talking to the crazy guy for a decent amount of time and after he moved on Ed came over and asked what was going on. I told him and the Ed went to talk to the guy. They talked for about a minute and then I see Ed escorting the crazy guy out the back door. So that was done with. He got to use our back door just like he wanted. And he wasn't hanging around freaking out our customers by being creepy because he was out the back door. Sigh. Gotta love crazy people.

Right now I am taking a break from watching a movie because I am watching the movie with my mom and she got a phone call so it has just been paused. But now she is off of the phone so I am going to go now. BYEBYE

humoring old people

So yeah, today I did my bi-weekly vacumming of my great aunt and uncle's place. That was fun. It is freakishly humid right now and I hate it. I can't do anything physical without becoming a human waterfall of sweat. I did that and then we sat around and ate cookies (oatmeal and those ginger windmill kind) and chatted for about an hour. Ugh. Sometimes it goes by pretty quickly but it seemed that we had nothing to talk about this time so we talked about things that I swear that we have talked about before but they seemed like it was all news to them. They tried getting information out of me about my sister's boyfriend whom everyone is going to meet this Thanksgiving. I don't actually know much so that is a conversation killer right there. Some how we always get on the topic of my health and I ended up recounting all of my blood related health problems all the way back to when it first started when I was 15 years old. That helped pass some time but then again I kept looking at the clock and then back to my aunt who has excessively loose skin. I couldn't stop looking. It was weird. It is like none of her skin is actually attached to her body but just loosely draped around some bones and fat. I know that that happens when someone is nearing 90 years old but still. Wear a sweater or something. Keep that contained. I finally cut into conversation and said I had to go. All the chatting was cutting into my nap time. Which I have an hour and a half of left at this point in time and that is if I can go lay down and pass out Immediately which is doubtful. Rare if I can actually ever do that. 20 minutes laying there awake minimum and that is extreme.

I just have the afternoon shift left at work today. Then it is the weekend. Damn, it is about time. This week has been such an incredibly long week for me. There were no holidays, no conferences, no teacher workshops, so it was a normal week as it is intended to be but hasn't been for the last 2 months about. It was sooooo SLOW. I'm sure that this afternoon will continue to be slow but oh well, close enough to be happy. Workin the door at the bar tonight. I have stopped drinking unofficially for a little while for the duration of me finishing some medications that I am on due to being sick this last week. I hate sinus headaches or I should say sinus head POUNDING and THROBING. If I have ever had a migraine I would say that would have been pretty close to what one feels like.

Thanks Shoo for liking the details. That is what life is all about anyway. Details. Cross the t's and dot the i's and make sure you have clean underwear on.

Sorry Shoo

Yeah yeah yeah, Mr. Shoofly is even getting upset with me because I haven't blogged in over a week. SOOOOORRRRRY!

I've been busy, sleeping, or sick the last week. Yeah I have sat down at the computer for periods of time but the motivation was not there at all.

Well, Not a whole lot went on this last week. Friday I went to Peoria to celebrate Crow's 24th birthday which was actually Saturday. I rode with Philly up there and Phil, me, Crow, and Ben and Katie hung out and partied for Crow's birthday. It was a good time. Went and shot some pool first at this neat bar in campustown. Then we went and got some cigars at a gas station and then headed to Sully's bar. By then Crow was already trashed. Forgetting things that he did 5 minutes prior. It was great. I wasn't drinking because I didn't feel well because I had hurt my back the day prior. Another story there. I was all doped up on pain meds so I didn't want to interact alcohol with it. The last time I did that is when I ended up with a stomach full of blood. When a pain med says that it can cause stomach bleeding with alcohol, BELIEVE IT. So yeah, I ended up being the DD and drove all the drunk kids around. After Sullys we ended up all going to BIG AL's for some nice tittie bar action. Crow was being a huge wuss and not wanting to go up to the front bar and get some titties rubbed in his face. Me being the one to break the ice for the sake of getting Crow up there decided to go first. It was wonderful as always. Crow still didn't follow like he said he would. So we sit there for a long ass time trying to get him to go up there. You think a highly intocicated guy without a girl for the night would be like YAY BOOBIES! but no he tries to give me the schpiel of "why?" "I don't see the point" Apparently he just wanted to go back to his place and hang out with Mr. Internet and Miss Rosey Palm. Finally Philly said he would go up if I go up again and if Crow goes up. Well, this also was Philly's first time at a strip club. He only went for the sake of it being Crow's birthday. He now sees how they are not all that bad. A clean fun time. The girls are trying to make a living and I say that we should patron the establishments to help them out. Usually to get boobs rubbed in your face in the real world that either takes a relationship or dinner movie and quite a few drinks afterwards, or just a lot of drinks. This is just a generalization though because I know some guys have the "gift" when all they have to do is walk in a room and girls want to get naked for them. It's sick. Sick in the way of that it isn't fair of course. Saying that also infers that I do not have the gift. We will assume that I don't but as soon as women randomly start getting naked for me I will let you know. Guys can acquire the gift. In my case I would need to win the lottery. I'm working on that as we speak. But so far no dice. Well, I will update again soon hopefully recapping the past week. Oh yeah, Crow did finally go up there and get titties rubbed in his face. I had the joy of getting it 2 times and then also the fun time of one girl coming over and sitting on my lap trying to entice me into getting a dance in the back. I might have if I had money but I just had enough to get in and throw a few dollar bills at the girls on stage. That was about it though. I wasn't really prepared for a night with Al's Ladies... Words to live by. Always be ready and willing for titties to be rubbed in your face for a dollar. That is 100x better than a $1.00 McChicken from McDonalds!

For those of you who didn't wish Crow a happy birthday, SHAME ON YOU!

Still doing well

So today was a great day. I went to my blood doctor for a 6th month appointment. My levels were at a good level. Actually they are still above normal which I hear is normal for what I had gone through. I was like, I thought I would be down to normal people levels by now. The Doc answered with it is possible for it to take a year or so for the platelet levels to level out. He didn't seem concerned with me vomiting blood back in July. I also prefaced how I had been taking Ibprofin and I just recently found that if taken with a decent amount of alcohol it can cause stomach bleeding. So yeah, no pain relievers before a night of drinking. I knew it wasn't the best thing to do but now I know it actually is not a smart thing to do at all. They even added that non asprin based are not good with alcohol too. So if you have a headache while drinking or know you still have some alcohol in your stomach I would not take any pain relievers. Anyway, my levels were at about 650,000 which is down from 6 months ago. Normal ranges still are between 150,000 and 400,000. Good news that I still won't be seriously bruising anytime soon. Now of course if I get hit hard I will bruise. All people bruise if they are hit hard so just because my levels are higher than the normal person does not mean that you can just hit me hard whenever you want.

I plan on going out to LLCC and enrolling in that damned composition 2 class again. I hope I get it right this time. Actually, I plan on getting it right this time because I am getting serious about my education. I need to get on with my life. I'm sure everyone but Ed agrees with that. Ed wouldn't agree because he wants me to be lazy do nothing Kyle again so that we can be children of the night again and party like it were our last day on earth. I need to plan for my future unfortunately. Unless I win the lottery then I say FUCK THE FUTURE! LIVE FOR TODAY! Until that happens then I am going to start planning.

Sorry bout that

Yeah, I don't mind letting a few days go by between posts but I didn't realize that it has been 5 days. Wooo! Well, Not a whole lot to talk about though. This past weekend was alright. Thursday night was the best. Ed, Shoo, Jessie, and myself went to a free concert at the Illinois Building at the Fair Grounds. We got hooked up with the VIP tickets also. Also free. But with the VIP we were induldged with free beer and free food while watching and listening to some awesome bands. Not the bands that I normally listen to but they were good. Chevelle was the head liner and I guess the most well known out of the 4 bands that were playing there. They all sounded the same to me though. I felt bad I was kind of a downer for the people that I was with but I couldn't help it. I ate a lot of food and then drank a few beers and I hit a huge wall. I was so tired I nearly fell asleep sitting up. I sitll had a good time and if anyone felt that I was holding them back well, they didn't have to stay with me. We're all adults and I know how to handle myself alone. Ed and I got our pictures taken with the Miller Girls and that picture is up at the bar on the mirror now. It is a great pic.

Friday night was a hang out with Reier night. Went to a meeting with him and everyone else. Then his parents treated us to dinner at Gabatoni's Pizza. Wow that was good. The parents probably forgot how much I can eat when I'm hungry and I was huuuuungry. Ed and I devoured more than one pizza which was a all meat pizza. The very best because meat is the best food in the world.

Saturday was tame, I just worked the door. Before that though my parents went to dinner at Coz's Pizza for dinner. So PIZZA AGAIN! I love pizza. It is good stuff I tell ya. I didn't get the meaty pie this time though because my mom wanted to try something different and she doesn't put up a fuss over what she eats very often so when she wants to try something new I encourage it. We got this garlic chicken alfredo pizza on half and then my dad got his usual on the other half. At work later on I saw a few people I know. OH Get this... a friend of mine is dating an ex dejavu stripper. The one which whom I thought was just awesome because she has a superman tattoo just below her neck on her back. Yeah, I was like, hmmm you look familiar. I checked her ID and the name didn't sound familiar. But I was talking to another buddy while my other friend and the gf were sitting. I said, I really think I know her from somewhere. Somehow I put it together rather quickly and my friend vouched that I was right. I even remember her "stage" name which was Abby. Apparently she just had a kid and such. I'm like, oh that's cool. So my friend told her that I had figured out who she was and how I thought she was cool.... yeah, I don't think he should have said that cause she just put her head down in a "damn it" type of way. I felt bad for figuring it out after that because she probably wants to put that behind her seeing as how she is dating a friend of mine and has a kid now. That was an interesting part of the night.

Also, not naming names but after a few drinks I sometimes do this thing (during hugs or in passing) where I might grab ass, lady friends only of course, but don't be offended, I know it isn't nice and I try not to do it. If I offend then I appologize.

Sunday was just a lazy laundry day. I had like 8 loads which is practically all of my laundry. That took way too long to do but yay for clean clothes and not having to scrounge around and wear clothes that I normally don't wear.

Also my 130 post problem apparently fixed itself finally. My counter of posts says I'm up to 153 now. WAHOO!

Congratulations SHOOFLY on getting a good job. I hope it is all that you are expecting and more.

130

So I have this part of my blog that tells me how many posts I have written. I have a problem with it because it hit 130 about a month and a half ago and now I have no idea how many posts I have written since then. So I don't know if there is something wrong with my blog on this end or if it is the site that I blog through. Not really a big deal though, just kind of annoying.

Today was an interesting day. First off, the election from yesterday wasn't officially over until about 2pm today when George W gave his acceptance speech to the American public. 4 more years of W, let us all hope that the American public made the right decision. As long as all of the people in our country support whoever is in office then good things can happen. No matter who the president is. D or R or I.

I got my good nap in today. Not the short one where I don't actually get tired until after 12pm. I got the one where I can get into bed and fall asleep by 10am and sleep until 2pm. I love that sleep. The reason that I know that this sleep was better than usual is because when my alarm went off I was soooooo disoriented and I swore that it was the middle of the night. I was like... It isn't 6am yet why they hell is my alarm going off. Totally pissed off. So I sit up and turn my alarm off and sit there and think. Slowly I come to gather my senses and realize that it is about 1:30 in the afternoon. See, you might say, Kyle, how would you possibly think that it is the middle of the night when the sun is out and shinning. Well, I have some of the most awesome shades in my room. They nearly block out all light except for a little bit around the edges. So I can be in my room at anytime of the day or night and it just feels like a dark rainy day or night. I love naps. Don't you?

Tonight was another new episode of Smallville. It was pretty darned good. Not the best but a well written episode that put everything at odds. CAN HE DO IT?!! I DON'T KNOW!! (Then I bite my nails) Just kidding. I don't bite my nails. I never really understood that habit of people's.

Well, I have some homework to attend to. Yeah, you heard right, homework. I have to type up some schedules for work. Our work computer is being worked on and I being the nice guy I am offered to type this stuff up at home and make a few copies. I've had it for 2 days now so I had better get going on it. I was told that there is no rush but I hate looking lazy at the job. Now I will let people see me worn out but not lazy. Big difference there.

Whole lotta woman

I see you and the way you look at me. It is possible that I really do see. If it is that what I really do want. Can I handle if I really do get? I think, how could someone be any better. But do I really know you? I can look at you and think that I have you all figured out. Then I look away and look back and I see a completely different person not knowing anything about you. I feel lost and confused. I like to know my own way. Where I'm going and where I've been. Or at least counting on the unexpected. You seem to be everything I like but then you're not everything that I like for reasons that the mutual factor is not there. How can something work when one side is not working while the other side is in overdrive. I think that you are beautiful. The personality is what strikes me first. Independent and forward. Living your own life for yourself first. That is how I am trying to live my life right now. I don't even know if I have room for you trying to get my own life in order. It has been chaos in my life for the last 5 years. Not really knowing what I want to do and then if I really know what I want to do not really putting forth the effort needed to get there. I'm a different person now. I have priorities. I have goals. I think you or someone like you would compliment me and I would compliment you. I'm not saying you are the one. I don't know who the one is. I never claimed to make that decision. I don't know if I will ever actually find that one that will make life perfect. I can hope. Hope is the only thing that most people have anyway. Hope for something better, hope for a change, hope for a chance.


I love your smile.